2009-05-13 - 1:45a.m.

Today went out with Jan and Pei. Pei and I met first at about 2pm and headed to the KTV near Bedok interchange. A cool student offer of $5 for 5hours. We started singing first, and then Jan joined at about 4pm. Pei was really cool about going high pitch and long notes, love it! And Jan didn't sing much! Probably because the other mic not so good, and her throat not so good. Next time shall hear her sing more!

Soon it was 7pm, and then we headed for dinner. Had a hearty chat, about our recent life, certain friends, certain experiences, the past days in primary school...The talk was soothing and comfortable, which I really felt good about. I love it. Thank you gals, for the chat. I enjoyed the time so much that I really didn't want to go home but continue chatting. But, finish chatting in one night would leave us nothing to talk about in the future? HAHA.

As I did my reflections every now and then, I always recalled myself of how I had ill-treated my friends. I think I never failed to hurt someone in any phase of my life so far. I doubted myself, doubted others, and ended up hurting myself and hurting others. I have always been selfish, inconsiderate, yet kept receiving help from others as long as I need it. I doubt it is never my turn to care about or help others. Moreover, I don't think I have the ability and the right to. I have always thought that I am not important to anyone. But through these years, I also learnt that, just like good and bad cannot be differentiated so easily, importance cannot be judged just by any individual incident. Whether I am important or not, it becomes not such a matter of concern to me. Because I should be doing my best to do whatever I should be doing, and not to think about whether I am to any importance to others or not. Of course, I am not so intelligent to be able to stop myself from those habits I have been doing in the past, but just like LaoSir said, "starts from now." As long as I can do it, I should do it. I still doubt myself, I still doubt others, but I am, also, still learning.

To me, I believe that at different phases, there can be different or the same people who can help you. I will not always be in part of my friends' life, and at times I would have missed the opportunity to accompany them through the certain special changes in their life. But even if I were there, will I change anything? Will I be of any help? Will my friends have needed a person like me? I don't dare to ask much. I am still afraid to ask and know about certain stuff. I just hope that my way of treating friends has turned better, and through efforts to keep in touch, I wouldn't be alone in my later life. Hmm, it sounds like a selfish motive in the end. Well, I am not so noble after all. 真的是人不为己，天诛地灭。

Anyway, thanks to Elaine, I knew more about PengLai. And I am glad that she has gotten better. Hopefully as she wishes, and as every friend of hers wishes, she will get better and better as time goes by.

Take care.

P.S. Tomorrow, no, should be later, is the time for Connie, Vivien-mei and I to sing K! Had been planning it since last year but cancelled due to my hospitalisation. So glad that it is coming now! Woo Hoo~

past - present